I met up with Ants today after work. We sat in some cafe, and we talked. It was good to talk.

The topics ranged from how work was going for each of us, to Burger King’s Hershey’s pie. We also talked about what happened between us. It was scary to bring that topic up. I also commented on how slim he’s become. I’m proud of him for looking after his body. That’s something that deep down, always concerned me (as he did used to be a rather big fellow – as did I). Walking up hills every day is helping a lot. Good work Ampony.

We managed to talk about the hurt, and the fact that during our time together we had taken each other for granted, and we both didn’t work as hard at our relationship as we could have. We knew what we had planned in our lives for the next few years, breaking up wasn’t even considered in that plan. Ants said that when looking back, he recognises what the signs were now. Hindsight.  I told him that I knew at the time what the signs were, but I chose to ignore them because I wanted him to be my husband.

I got to show Ants my new car. I gave him a lift home, and he showed me where he was living now (although I knew coz I’d been there after Kapcon a couple of years ago).  On the drive home, I unconsciously breathed a big sigh. He noticed, and commented.
“Just a lot on my mind, you know?” I said.
“Yeah, I know” he replied.
I gave him a squeeze on his arm. I don’t know whether he appreciated that or not. But I did. In the end, I still care deeply for this man that I’ve shared so much of my life with.

Once again I had that weird feeling of ‘this is the person that I used to console when he was feeling down, but this is… different’.

One of the reasons that I wanted to meet with him, just the two of us was so that our first meeting wasn’t an awkward one at somebody’s party, or somebody’s house.  The good thing is, we did okay.  We’re not bestest buddies, and that’s okay too. But we’re on good terms. Neither of us are going to be uppity (?) about the friends we share.  That’s also a great thing.  And that’s the thing that I wanted to achieve tonight. Some questions answered, some issues resolved, and a place for each of us to start moving forward.

When dropping him home, I yoinked  some of my CDs he’d stolen. Then he gave me a hug. It was a nice hug. I appreciated that.

Current Mood: optimistic & peaceful

Tags: Anthony