I heard from the job that I really wanted on Wednesday.  I didn’t get it.  She said it was because they wanted someone older – then hastily added “experience older, not age older” and I thought ‘oh yeah okay, that’s what you meant’. So I’m pretty gutted.

The interview and response has shaken my confidence, especially since this centre is one I’ve wanted to work at, or do a teaching experience at since I was at university.

There isn’t much around in terms of positions in places I want to work.  I could stay where I am on a permanent basis, but the truth is, the whole company feeling really isn’t any better than the other two main franchise childcare companies in New Zealand, even though it only has 3 centres.  Policy and higher management doesn’t lean itself to creating the atmosphere that I would crave to work at. I can already feel myself not wanting to work there and I’ve only been there for four weeks.  The difficulty is, I’ve worked for this company before, and if nothing has changed in the two years since I worked there, then nothing is going to change while I am there.  It’s a head = brick wall company.

I guess the sort of position I want, is something that’s going to challenge me, and help me to extend my team leader skills.  I’ve been in advisory/manager roles before and delivered professional development to teams and families.  I just want something that’s permanent. I want to be with a company that values their teachers, challenges their teachers, and that has an enthusiastic, passionate team.  And I want to be in a place where I think “yeah, I want to go to work”. I mean sure, even passionate, enthusiastic people say “blergh I just don’t want work today”, but generally, day in and out I love my career, and I love my children, and I love trying my hardest to provide the best environment for them to grow and learn.

If only I had another $10-15k then I could buy a property and start my own business with Bambi, and then I could have everything the way *I* want it (yes, I know, there’s always hardships etc etc).

The next difficulty is, I feel I can’t really move forward until I get a job. I want to live in Wellington, but I don’t want to be travelling to the Hutt every day for work.  Renting feels like a huge waste of money, and buying a place in Welly really is just out of my reach at the moment (not to mention not having the full-time job).  Buying a place in the Hutt would be worth it, if that property would translate into future business premises.  So, round and round in circles it is.  I’m feeling a little bit stagnant in my goals at the moment.

If I work for ‘the man’ I want something exciting and challenging.  If I want to work with Bambi, we need a leg-up, and that wouldn’t happen in the short term anyway, but that would make working for a less challenging company bearable because I would be working on a future goal.

It really is a waiting game. It sucks that I’m an impatient person (except when working with the children lol). I really am over relieving.  I want some stability in my career path.

Current Mood: anxious