I’ve been thinking long and hard about my relationship between me and my blog, and my friends via my blog. I have come to realise that my blog is not doing it for me anymore.  I cannot write the things that I want to write about, and I cannot do it without censorship for fear of backlash, or hurting someone.

When I originally set up my blog, I wanted it to be a little corner of my universe.  A place where I could explore and extend my html/css, my writing skills, and give me option for networking with my friends.  It turns out, I guess, that this isn’t really happening.

What I have realised is that blogging hasn’t brought me closer those I thought I called friends, but sent me further away.  And likewise when I read their blogs.  There is no need for me to ring someone, because I know what’s going on in their life, because they’ve blogged/tweeted/facebooked about it. Likewise with me. I’ve opened up my life so much, that there’s no reason for someone to flick me a text, or a phone call and ask ‘hey, what have you been up to?’  They all know what I’m going through, and they can leave a comment at the bottom of my post if they want.  But I have realised that this has devoid me and the other person of that face-face, (or ear-ear) conversation.  It doesn’t put me in their mind when thinking of putting a project together.  The human interaction that goes along with having a relationship really isn’t there.  An online relationship isn’t really a relationship, not if you haven’t really had that personal friendship and the personal communication with that person first.

So I’m done with online blogging, and social networking.  I guess I never really thought that I would get to this point.  I thought that I would ‘miss out’ on what was happening around me.  Turns out it probably would be better to miss out, because seeing pictures of Anthony and his new girlfriend everywhere is really doing my head in.  I don’t rub it in his face, so why is everybody rubbing it in mine?  I don’t put pictures of me and my boyfriend up everywhere. Doing things like going to friends engagement parties,  or being apart of the 48hour team when previously he’d shown no interest at all in this (despite me commenting numerous times that it would be cool if we could partake in this – but no, that would mean effort on his part).  So I know that I’m missing out.  I know that people aren’t inviting me to things because of whatever reasons that is.  I hate missing out,  I hate not being involved.  But I guess that’s what happens when these people were his friends first, and my friends by association. So you’re right Anthony.  “How many friends do I really have anyway?”  Obviously not many.  Yes, things are going well for him.  He’s managed to put his feelings in a box and whatever we had together has disappeared into that box.   Yes, I had a new boyfriend first, but if you think about the timing… well, the timing.  I started the process of breaking up with Anthony in my head probably before we even left for the UK.  It took me 1.5 years to break up with him. That’s a freakn’ long break up.  And I’m still not over it.  It’d probably take me another 1.5 years to sort everything out in my head.  So you see, the timing isn’t that off. If I’d had the balls to break up with Anthony when I first started thinking about it, my new relationship, in reality is right on time. But fuck it, I don’t have to justify that to you. Or to anyone.

But I guess I finally understand Jackie when she decided to not be apart of the online community anymore.  If people can’t be bothered picking up the phone, or sending an email, and having that more intimate interaction, then what’s the point of having a blog where you spout your intimate details to the universe?  I thought that I was writing my blog for me. Turns out I really wasn’t.  I was writing my blog to invite people and relationships into my life.  Obviously that’s not working.  The ‘social’ side of the social networking isn’t really existing in my life.  Might as well be oblivious to what’s going on, then be aware and hurt by it all the time.

So I’m not going to be using this blog much anymore. At least in the meantime. It may take shape into something else, or I may get rid of it entirely.   I’ll still have facebook, but I’m only going to be using it for the emailing and keeping in touch with those who are close to me functions.  I’m not going to be checking my events, I’m not going to be checking my newsfeed to see what’s happening in peoples lives.  I’ve even culled a whole bunch of people that I don’t talk to on a regular or intimate basis, if this is you, then maybe we should try harder on an actual friendship yeah? I would like that. How about you?

For the meantime, you can still contact me through this blog, or flick me an email or a text.  I’d love to hear from you. In person.

So this is me. Signing off my online blog.

See you around I.R.L.

Current Mood: drained

Work today was giving a presentation to 12 (or so) parents about brain development and attachment with their children.  The session went from 11:30-1:30, and parents were asking for it to go longer!  It was a very fulfilling presentation because I would go through a few points, and then someone would ask a question, and we’d have a wee discussion about that.  We covered so much, not just about brain development, but about how children move, why good nutrition is vital, talking talking talking to your child, slowing down your interactions, taking time to be with your child, behaviour guidance, as well as saying goodbye to your child before school.  We touched on so many different topics,  I hope I didn’t overwhelm them.  But in the end the parents were talking to the rest of the team, and were saying how wonderful the session was, and how they wanted more time!  It feels good to have that off my shoulders though – spent about 10 hours out of work time preparing it.

I’ve been pretty exhausted all week – have been really sick this week, and working on the presentation hasn’t helped (bed 11pm or later most nights).  Next thing to work on – preparing for my interview next Tuesday.  I have to do a 10 minute presentation, which I have 30 minutes to prepare. Fingers crossed.  I have to do some reading about some policies and strategic plans and such.

Tonight my Early Years Teacher collegue, Nelia and her husband Darnie came over for roast lamb, salad, roast potatoes and carrots.  They brought a Malborough wine, one I hadn’t tasted before, and enjoyed (I don’t usually enjoy wine).  They also brought dessert of healthy-living ice cream and berries.  Good job   It was lovely and relaxing, and it was great to have them over.  They also had a go at Guitar Hero – they need a bit of practise.

My parents arrive next Thursday.  I can’t wait to see them.  I’m so excited.  Ants and I have to vacate our bedroom while they’re here (though they’re not in London for that many days).  We’ve booked the car, and we’ll be doing a bit of driving around England.  Stopping at Liverpool first to do some of the Beatles things, then Ants will be joining us (he’ll be geeking that weekend and joining us later).  Then we’ll be off to Barrow-in-Furness for a couple of nights, hopefully seeing some of Mum’s relatives, and seeing where Mum grew up.  Then up to the Lake District, then we’ll see from there.  We’ve got 9 days to wander around.

Mmm, bed is calling me now.  Roast + sick = sleepy.  I hope to sleep for a long long time tonight.

Current Mood: accomplished

Well, the day started off pretty well. I slept on the couch last night, because Ants didn’t want to sleep on the spare double bed because it was too soft, and I didn’t want to sleep in that room by myself, because that was the room that Yaya (Ants’s Grandmother) died in. So I slept on the couch, which was fairly comfortable, and got a whole 5 hours sleep. Read more…

Current Mood: aggravated & bored & lethargic & relaxed

We’re leaving on a Jet Plane in one week! I can’t believe how fast it’s come around. Kylie has come down to spend the weekend with us/me which is great. One last chance to see her for a while. Tonight we met with friends at The Courtney Arms on Allen Street in Wellywood. Read more…

Ants and I went home to the Naki today. We were planning on leaving early in the morning, but Mum and Dad didn`t get back from Aussie until 5:30pm, so we took our time leaving, and getting up there. It was nice not to have to rush, and the traffic was pretty good. Read more…

Current Mood: chipper & accomplished & horny &

The day after our engagement party dawned calm in weather, and loud with many family members getting through their morning routine. I was feeling hung-over, not that I’d drunk so much, but more that I’d only had about 4-5 hours sleep. We all marched in and started with pulling down the marquee, and collecting all the rubbish. There was so much of it! It took us all only an hour or so to clean up the property, and Grammy did a dump run, which was incredibly helpful.

Lunch time rolled around, and Dad was showing the nephews how to catch bees without being stung. Oh so funny. It brought back memories of Dad showing me how to do it, but I was always too scared to do it.

Ranginui catching bees

Dad teaching Keran and Paul

I sent a message out to everybody to come and share in some kai with us, (but nobody turned up) there was sooo much food left over that we had another huge feed. Kylie came over and brought Natasha (our friend from highschool who I never kept in touch with) and her sister Michelle, and another friend Karla from the gym came. Then it started to shower and we were super-glad that we’d had everything cleaned put away, and taken care of before it started to rain.

I finally had a shower once all the family and friends had left, and there was still more cleaning, organising food and sorting to be done. Boy was I exhausted when I went to bed. But wait there’s more! Anthony and I were rung by Demitius on our cellphone (he was inside) because some kids had thrown eggs at the house, which scared Kathy so much that she had to ring the police. Once all that kerfuffle was sorted, we went back to bed, only to be rung around 1:30am by the police to tell us there’d been a few more eggings down the road, but they couldn’t find the kids. Then at 3am, Demitrus’s taxi shuttle rang the home phone to tell him he’d arrived to take him to the airport, and Demitrus wasn’t even out of bed! So I really got no sleep that night either. Talk about hung-over feeling. Blurg!

Current Mood: exanimate

The day dawned slightly overcast, and I hoped that it would clear soon with the hot sun. I realised very soon that getting into the shower was going to be a pain in the bum, so I nipped down to Southgate to Vicky’s room so I could shower and get ready for the day without interruption.Warning: Graphics galore!

Photos
PS, there’s more photos uploaded to digitalmax than there are on this page. So if you want to see them all, follow the links.

To download: 4shared for originals of photos

To Print: digitalmax.co.nz (20c per photo)
- can download originals of photos from here too
- not sure if you’ll have to sign up, but it’s free to do so.
Demitris’s Camera
Heidi’s Camera
Keane’s Camera Read more…

Current Mood: drained & ditzy

It was an early start this morning with a trip to Weight Watchers to see what damage Christmas had done. Answer = lots +1.1kg

The good thing is Jarrod, who is staying with Ants and I, invited us to go with him, Giffy, girl-Regan, Sass, Nick, Jarret & Evie to the Karori Wildlife Sanctuary for lunch/walk. Read more…

Current Mood:

Anthony proposed to me tonight! OMG I`m so excited! I can`t stop smiling! I`m such a Cheshire!

So you wanna know how it happened? WELL

Read more…

Current Mood: lethargic

Man! What a full-on weekend! Read more…

Current Mood: confused